Food is hard.

TW⚠️:  Disordered eating.

I’m having such a hard time with my brain lately in relation to food. I want to lose weight. I have IBS. I suffer from anxiety and depression. If I get too hungry, I get anxious and it causes my stomach to be upset because of too much stomach acid (a common trend in IBS sufferers). I can’t really skip breakfast as having no food makes me light headed.

I’m so sick of feeling bad about wanting to eat. But, like, eating is a basic human need. I know sometimes you just have to put fuel in your tank. My lovely friend Louise reminded me that. She’s written about similar things over here at Your Friendly Neighbourhood Vegan

Calorie counting hasn’t been super helpful in losing weight. I’ve tracked it for about a month now, and *usually* stick to 1300-1400 calories per day, with the occasional late night wine or cheese or candy addition. When my brain is depressed, it either wants to eat lots, or wants to eat nothing.

I don’t eat fast food very often at all (high fat foods upset my tum). Most foods I eat are homemade because of needing to avoid onion/garlic & gluten. I’ve recently been diagnosed with wheat & milk allergies. I’m yet to find out what that means for my diet/how my IBS symptoms might improve from removing those completely.

Here are some other food-related thoughts from my silly nerveblob* of a brain: I don’t like to eat red meat, but I need iron. I try to eat only chicken and seafood, but sometimes beef mince is heaps cheaper.

  • I want to eat ethically farmed animals, but I can’t always afford that.
  • I hate disposable plastic, but sometimes there’s no easy option for buying meats.
  • I want to be vegetarian or vegan, but I have such a limited diet I need meat for the nutrients/protein.
  • I need to eat more raw fruit & vegetables, but they take time to prepare & potato chips or cheese & crackers & canned tuna is easier.
  • I wanted to grow my own vegetables, all I’ve got from the garden is radishes, cucumbers & lettuce, oh and TWO tomatoes off 4 plants.
Sometimes you have to listen to your brain. Maybe it really needs that dopamine released from eating chocolate, or cheese, or carrot sticks. Maybe it just wants to feel something good among the world of unkind feelings it has swirling around up there.
I think ultimately if food makes you feel a bit better, go with it. Because you’ve got to start somewhere. If that somewhere is eating a cookie, then that’s okay. Once you’ve had the cookie(s) and you feel a little better, THEN you can start dealing with the other stuff that’s going on.

*Credit to Neil Hughes for the nerveblob quote

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