Food is hard.

TW⚠️:  Disordered eating.

I’m having such a hard time with my brain lately in relation to food. I want to lose weight. I have IBS. I suffer from anxiety and depression. If I get too hungry, I get anxious and it causes my stomach to be upset because of too much stomach acid (a common trend in IBS sufferers). I can’t really skip breakfast as having no food makes me light headed.

I’m so sick of feeling bad about wanting to eat. But, like, eating is a basic human need. I know sometimes you just have to put fuel in your tank. My lovely friend Louise reminded me that. She’s written about similar things over here at Your Friendly Neighbourhood Vegan

Calorie counting hasn’t been super helpful in losing weight. I’ve tracked it for about a month now, and *usually* stick to 1300-1400 calories per day, with the occasional late night wine or cheese or candy addition. When my brain is depressed, it either wants to eat lots, or wants to eat nothing.

Continue reading “Food is hard.”

Coming off SSRIs – a not so fun journey

I’ve been coming off SSRI meds (specifically, Fluoxetine) over the past almost 2 months now and I *think* I finally feel ‘normal’. But boy has it been a roller-coaster. I want to start out by saying I did not go cold turkey. I tapered off with guidance of a very expensive psychiatrist, my psychologist, and GP. I cut back to every second day, every third, and so on until it got down to once a week THEN I stopped completely. So when I talk about the two month time-frame, that’s two months without any dosage at all. Continue reading “Coming off SSRIs – a not so fun journey”

The Dating Game.

New year, new content!

Given my recent separation, I’ve been testing the waters of the online dating world… I plan on making a series of blog posts outlining the trials & tribulations of figuring out apps such as Tinder, and OkCupid, and featuring interviews with friends who are seasoned online daters / or first-timers.

A background on my online dating experience.

Before I was married, I used online dating a little to meet guys. But mostly it was NZDating, which it was primarily used for hook-ups, not as a way to meet new people to potentially have relationships with – though in saying that I did date one guy for 6 months or so.

What you can expect to see in upcoming posts.

Stats. Yep, I plan on analysing the shit out of this. I’ve listened to a couple of excellent podcasts on this subject, which I will share in coming days. But I plan to share things like how many left swipes vs. right swipes on Tinder, how many I match with actually message me back. The science behind most effective profile photos etc. The creepy messages men send on the regular. Possibly some #SpoonieDates live tweets on first dates. Who knows. Suggestions are welcomed.

A Jay in the Life Monday 5 September

You asked for it! Everyone was keen to read about a day in my life. I mean, that *is* the name of my blog… so here goes! It’s not super exciting as I was mostly just working from home today. But this has been really beneficial for me, to help me realise I do actually get quite a lot done even when I don’t feel like I have.

4:30am – 8:30am

Awake due to my tiny bladder. Awake again, thanks to the cats being jerks and running around for past couple of hours. Awake again… bad stomach (made bad high FODMAP food choices last night for dinner). Alarm goes off… snooze for a bit.


Got out of bed, had a cup of tea + lactose free milk, attempt to tidy house as I go about my morning – make list of things I need to get done today. Consider ignoring phone call from builder about the new kitchen installation at our flat… Not actually all that stressful. Kitchen being sorted Wed/Thurs this week. Write email to landlord reminding him the shower head was meant to be replaced at the same time. Spent some time clearing emails. Arranged meeting with a colleague about study options to get into the Mental Health field (Tues). Check out yoga classes and add to calendar to potentially attend this evening.

Stuff to do today:

  • Sort paperwork for WINZ
  • Start bullet journal for this week
  • Book yoga class???

Continue reading “A Jay in the Life Monday 5 September”

The sads.

Sad photo

I’m sad. I have the sads. I’m not doing well. Mentally. Physically. Anything-ly, right now. But, rather than cocooning myself away (which is what I really want to do…)  I’m going to try really, really hard to self-care and get out of the house and do things that make me feel good.

Which, right now, means cutting back on site work a lot; I’ve given notice at one role… and am handing over another next week. It’s pretty hard not to feel like a failure right now. I’ve also applied for a sickness benefit/disability allowance. Worst thing, is I have to go to see WINZ on my birthday next week… or wait another week… even though I’d probably only have to work about 10 hours to earn the same amount. Yip. Life sucks sometimes.

On that note; not to sound pathetic, but if anyone has any remote-based graphic design work or data-entry/admin work… please let me know. I’d greatly appreciate it.

For the meantime, I’ll keep forcing myself to use the Headspace app for mindfulness, burning nice smelling incense, sniffing essential oils, getting out for walks, cuddling cats and watching scary movies.

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